Communication has been a huge topic for many years as an important factor into keeping your marriage strong and healthy. I am a firm believer that communication is important and a vital part to marriage. Without communication, a marriage can be destroyed very quickly.
As I have been reflecting on my own marriage, an observation has been made. My husband and I don’t have a hard time talking. We talk all the time about various subjects, however, not everything has been okay.
There have been times that my husband or myself have been excited about something and got into details that the other one has no idea what we are talking about or able to comprehend the subject.
For example, my husband has a radio, I believe it’s called a ham radio. He talks about it a lot on the frequencies and different things it can do and things he learns about it. There are times that I have delighted in listening to him for hours but do not understand what he is talking about. I love that he is excited about it and that he wants to talk to me about it. But to quiz me on the conversation, I would fail.
It has made me wonder, how many other things that he speaks to me about that I am not comprehending? Do I really understand the things that we talk about or do I just perceive that I am?
We can at times feel like we are miles apart in the same room. What is the problem? One of the problems is our comprehension of what the other one is saying. We tend to rely on our own perception of what the other one is saying or showing without any questioning. The truth is, it is rooted in more problems because the problem was not resolved but instead buried into the ground.
It can be very difficult to work with someone or something without being able to comprehend the language that is being spoken. We may be able to “figure” it out, but a lot takes place in-between that can cause a lot of damage.
Are we always going to understand our spouse or what they are talking about? No. Sometimes the problem is not a lack of communication, but rather a lack of comprehension. My husband understands that I do not comprehend the entirety of the radio so he doesn’t expect me to be able to operate it in the same ways that he can. But when it comes to something that he knows that I need to know or am interested in learning, he finds ways to make sure that I can comprehend what he is showing me or talking to me about. It is also my part to let him know when I do not understand or comprehending what he is speaking about by saying something. This is another reason why communication is so important.
When a spouse is speaking to you, it is important for you to engage in the conversation so that they can see whether or not you are comprehending what they are saying or if you are perceiving the conversation differently. If the conversations is a one way street then there is not much communicating really going on.
We also have to make sure that we are speaking things in a language that they understand and can receive it. For example, you can speak Spanish to an English speaking person, but they are not going to understand or comprehend what you are saying. The words still have the same meaning, the problem is just as real, but if it is not understood by the other person, it will remain undone or misunderstood. It is important in a marriage to know how your spouse will comprehend what you are speaking and be able to do it on their level.
God loves to communicate with us. His Word is a huge conversation of letters, laws, guidance, and so much information that God has given us to know more of Him, His character, and His ways. He understands that we will not be able to comprehend it all on our own wisdom or understanding.
On our part, we have to understand that the comprehension of God is beyond our understanding and that we need the Holy Spirit to guide us in the ways of God. God will however speak to us on a personal level, at a place where He knows we will understand and comprehend what He is saying.
Once we understand this and start working with the Holy Spirit, He will help us with our communication of God and to be able to comprehend what God is saying. Another thing that the Holy Spirit can help us with is to understand others based on God’s ways and not our own.
Just like reading the Bible over and over again, unless you comprehend it, there will not be a real meaning for you or make sense to you as it will when you allow the Holy Spirit to help you comprehend it. You can be in your marriage and “read” your spouse over and over again, but it will only be understood by your own perceptions.
Spend this week and really search your heart and ask the Holy Spirit to help you communicate with God in a more intimate way. Ask the Holy Spirit to show you in areas that you are not comprehending your spouse and how you can fix this on your end.
The one thing you have to understand is you cannot force someone to comprehend something. Sometimes it is just beyond that person’s ability to understand. When this takes place, you have to accept it and allow the Holy Spirit to help you work it out. But also understand that just because someone can or does comprehend something doesn’t mean they will make the choice you want them to. This is why communication and comprehension need to be hand in hand, not only in your marriage but in your walk with God.
If you are in a place where your spouse is not ready for this to be worked on in your marriage -that is ok. Choose to work on this with God. Everyone’s relationship can always get better with God and when you do, He will give you instruction, direction, and aid in how and when to do things inside your marriage where it will work and last.